Kids or Without Kids

Me and my husband are approaching our 5^th year anniversary. Boy, time really flies. It doesn’t really feel like it’s already 5 years we’ve been married. Plus the dating period, we’ve been together for 7 years.

As any married couple, the next day after your “akad”, people will start wishing you all the  “cepat-cepat dapat baby” thingy. Days become months, months become years, still, and there is no whatever signs of any baby popping out soon. Then the “ADVICE” and “EXPERIENCE” start to flow in.

I am really ok when the questions are like “any kids?” or “are you planning”. Trust me, it doesn’t really bother me at all. But the annoying part was the ADVICE and EXPERIENCE after you answer “No kids yet”. We have acquaintance (who we barely talk to) starts giving advice on “how-to-do-it” and saying married life isn’t a married life if you don’t have children on your own. The meaner one would say that the husband will leave you if you could not bear any children. This feels like high schools again.

Why people like to assume the horrible things about not yet having kids? There are plenty of things that you could enjoy before having children. You could go brunching on weekends peacefully without one have to hold a baby, travelling would be easier since no stroller and no uncomfortable baby’s crying in the plane, your partner focus will be on you only and dinner date is easier since you don’t have to arrange for a nanny.

To be honest, my husband and I are happy on our own. We might not be perfectly happy (of course there are arguments here and there) but none of them are about not having any children. If I could remember, the first time we had the talk about children is after 2 years of marriage. Of course we would love to have kids on our own, but we are no way nearer of breaking our back and bones to have kids!

I marry my husband because I love him. He treats me like a queen, do whatever he can to make me happy, and always the one to surrender and say sorry first every time we had a fight (Queen ego never back down! Haha), and respect my families. If we desperately want children right now, believe me, we will do whatever it takes. But right now, we still enjoying just-the-two-of-us time.

Kids or no kids, we our own define our relationship. I’ve seen husband leaving his wife after 3 kids and 5 years marriage, I’ve seen couple growing old together without any kids. It is unfair to say that kids alone improve our marriage. Couples should be about loving and appreciate each other with or without kids.  Wish us the best in the world would be enough.